


Certain Things

by JessIsSmitten



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-19 14:12:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9444944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessIsSmitten/pseuds/JessIsSmitten
Summary: As Bernie and Serena deal with the aftermath of Bernie's departure, Bernie begins to realize that she needs to learn how to be brave.  But will it be too late?Just my take on the whole Kiev separation and beyond.  Rating may go to Explicit at some point.





	1. 5 AM

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first writing attempt in a very long time, and my first Berena fic...so I found myself very nervous about posting! Forgive any grammar errors, I may be a little rusty. 
> 
> I just had so much headcanon that I needed to get out! Hope you enjoy...comments welcome! :)
> 
> Song lyrics: 5 AM by Amber Run

“And you don't know what you've got until it's gone.

And you don't know who to love until you're lost.

And you don't know how to feel until the moment's passed.

I wish you'd live like you're made of glass.”

 

Chapter 1

 

The first few weeks of the assignment passed with a frantic pace. New place, new faces, new language. Bernie had fallen into a good working relationship with her coworkers. Staying busy, implementing changes, offering guidance and support where needed. She was honestly in her element. Chaotic, loud, always a challenge to be met. Granted, it was no AAU, but she seemed to fit in quite nicely.

She found that she enjoyed the people she worked with. She had been welcomed, her knowledge and experience a much-needed asset. They were a very bright, eager-to-learn group. A young doctor that reminded her _so much_ of Arthur. An almost mirror image of Morven. It was quite jarring, actually. Many similarities here, but definitely not the same.

The days were easy. Long hours, meetings, incoming traumas, surgeries. It kept her mind and body busy. She was grateful for this.

It was when the night came. When the exhaustion soaked in to her bones, when she sat alone in her rented flat. More like a cheap hotel room; very sparse, utilitarian. It was when her body stilled, when she pulled her hoodie around her to ward off the chill, when she poured herself another whiskey. The nights are when the pain came. The pain of all she’d left behind, all she had destroyed.

She missed her colleagues, the people she had come to care about so much. She thought about Dom, Morven, Ric. She thought about the home she had made for herself at Holby. But there was one face that danced above the rest. Never really leaving her mind, always hiding somewhere behind a shadow.

Bernie had seen a new doctor on site that day--short-cropped dark hair, rich timbre to her voice—and Bernie stopped dead in her tracks. Frozen in the middle of the corridor, breath caught, eyes wide, because for a minute... Maybe? Could it be?

The stab hit Bernie’s chest quickly and deeply, bringing her back to the present. She squeezed her eyes closed, small tears escaping. She finished off her shot of whiskey, moving to pour another. She hated the nights.

She had gotten another text this afternoon. It was hard to gauge the emotion behind it. Serena was an expert in stiff reserve, most of the time anyway. Bernie didn’t reply. What could be said, really? She had said it all with silence.

Bernie thought of how close they had become. What a great team they had made. In and out of theatre, they were truly a team. Bernie had found herself confiding in Serena in a way that she never had in anyone. She trusted Serena, which is something that did not come easily. At all. And tonight, as Bernie’s thoughts were racing, she cried silently, and tried to understand where it all went wrong.

_Bravo, Wolfe, you’ve really cocked it up this time._

She tried to sleep. Tried and failed. The clock blared 3:12 am as Bernie sat up in the bed, the whiskey still clouding the edges of her thoughts. She picked up her phone, and opened Serena’s latest message.

_“Bernie, I don’t understand why you won’t talk to me.”_

_That makes two of us_ , Bernie thought to herself. She wanted to explain. She wanted to call Serena and wake her up and apologize. For _all of it_. But tonight, she closed the message, and lay back, rubbing her throbbing temples.

She was scared.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Three weeks until her assignment was up. And then she could return to Holby. Return to what, she wasn’t sure. She thought maybe she would ask for a transfer. Start over somewhere new. Maybe she could just stay on here for a while. Far away from the hurt she’d caused.

The days were adopting a more uniform, less frantic pace. As the team were becoming acclimated to the new way of doing things, Bernie found more time to breathe. More unwanted gaps in her day. When her mind began to gravitate to painful places. She busied herself with the smallest of tasks. Anything. _Something_.

A few of the staff were going for drinks after work. Bernie tagged along. The pub was small and close to work; it was no Albie’s, but it would suffice. She shuffled in to the warmth, the soft chatter of conversations. Immediately she went to the bar for a whiskey, a pang hitting her from seemingly nowhere. She recalled the evenings at Albie’s, Serena at her side. Bernie scrubbed her hand down her weary face, taking her drink and finding her coworkers. _Please, not now_.

They chatted and drank, Bernie trying her best to engage. Someone told a joke, and Bernie laughed--a raucous, surprising sound. She couldn’t remember the last time that had happened. Probably with… _no, not now_.

One of the young doctors seated herself close to Bernie, chatting lightly, smiling. Anna was her name, quite attractive and pleasant. Her hair a chestnut brown, eyes a striking azure. Anna’s eyes danced as they talked, she smiled sweetly, placing her hand on Bernie’s arm, resolving all doubt that she was flirting.

Bernie stayed for a few more minutes, and then bid her friends good night. She took a cab back to her flat, and when inside, poured another whiskey.

Since her arrival here, she had smoked too much, drank too much, and slept too little. As she studied herself in the bathroom mirror, the stress on her body was evident. Skin pale, dark circles hung underneath her eyes.

Bernie climbed into bed, tired and withdrawn. She thought of Anna, how she had chatted so easily with her, how she had felt flattered by the flirting. A short-lived feeling, one that only served to remind Bernie of what she missed so much.

She tried to think of Anna, her smile, the blue of her eyes, the touch of her hand on Bernie’s arm. But as Bernie lay in bed, slipping her own hand down, a much-needed tension relief, there was only one place her thoughts could go.

She thought of Serena’s hands, and how impossibly soft they always were. Her infectious smile, the deep soothe of her voice, the way Serena flirted effortlessly. The way she laughed, the unmistakable sway of her hips.

And her lips. Oh god. The soft way Serena had kissed her back on the theatre floor. The slightly not-so-soft way she had kissed Bernie in their office, all but devouring her.

Bernie thought of how Serena felt against her. How much closer she wanted to be. All of the places she wanted to touch.

And as Bernie came hard against her own fingers, there was only one name that escaped her mouth. A soft sigh, eyes shut tightly through her pleasure. Softly, she came back down to earth.

Bernie breathed rapidly, eyes searching the dark. And the tide broke, a choked sob echoing out into the room. She covered her eyes, the pain coming in waves now. She loved Serena, she knew that. And tonight, Bernie cried for all she had lost. All she had thrown away like an ignorant coward.

Serena had scared her.

She had all but admitted that she was falling in love, and it set off an alarm in Bernie. She tried desperately to silence it, but the fear had won in the end. Her fear had set her on an all-too-familiar course.

The last thing she had ever wanted to do was hurt Serena. But that’s what she had done, nonetheless.

Bernie rolled to her side, tears streaming down and soaking her pillow.

_I’m so sorry, Serena…_


	2. Collapse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the feedback on the first chapter, glad you guys are enjoying!
> 
> Each chapter is loosely based/inspired on a song...Highly recommended listening :)
> 
> Song lyrics: Collapse by Vancouver Sleep Clinic

“Because never again

Means none of this at all…”

 

Chapter 2

 

Bernie slouched over the computer, barely registering what was displayed.  She shut her eyes, breathing out a silent sigh. 

_Stupid, stupid coward._

She returned her focus to the task at hand, closing out the file and logging out.  Papers in hand, she made her way back to her office.  _Thank God she’s not here._

She had patients to see, the ward very obviously busy.  But she couldn’t seem to stop the throbbing in her temples.  She slumped down in her chair, her back protesting already.  She tried not to notice Serena’s things, neatly in place, in their still-shared office.  The swift tide of feelings was unbearably overwhelming.  Fatigue, jetlag, anxiety, guilt.  The last one most of all. 

She got up abruptly, making her way to the stairwell.  The rooftop.  She just needed some fresh air.

The sunlight greeted her, the wind slightly chilly.  She found a sitting place, pulling her hoodie more tightly around her against the coolness of the air.

It had been a whirlwind since she’d arrived back in Holby.  Straight from the airport to the hospital, gift in hand.  Scanning the hallways, seeking out that one face.  Serena had seen her first, and taken Bernie a bit by surprise.  The softness of Serena’s voice as she said one simple word.

_“Bernie…”_

What was so surprising (maybe to them both) was the emotion held there, after all those weeks.  Bernie wasn’t quite sure what she’d expected--a coldness, a harshness, maybe?--when they finally did speak after so much silence.  But when Serena addressed her, it was all still there.  The feelings, the longing, the tenderness.  And as Bernie turned to face her, she felt the guilt creeping up. She tried not to show it.  Tried, and failed.

They had barely spoken the rest of the day.  Besides the standard professional niceties, a couple of attempts at a light joke.  It was all very strained and foreign and uncomfortable.  And Bernie knew she had no one to blame but herself.

And then there was the Robbie revelation.  Bernie knew she had no right, but she couldn’t help the anger that boiled up upon learning that Serena had, well…apparently moved on.  _Forgotten all about her,_ to recall Jason’s words.  Even though she knew she was ultimately the cause of all of this, Bernie couldn’t stop her jealousy from flaring.

Which made her even angrier at herself.  _What did you bloody expect, Wolfe, for her to wait forever?  Until you sorted out your mess?  Which could quite possibly be never._

And after the anger came the sheer disappointment.  In herself, in the loss of the best friendship she’d known in years, in knowing what could have been.  If only she’d been brave enough. 

But Bernie wasn’t brave.  A lifetime of less-than-graceful exits, of running away from things when they just became _too much._

Bernie leant her head back against the support behind her.  Squeezing her eyes closed, she felt the faintest evidence of a tear begin to escape.  She tried to ignore the ever-growing knot in her chest.  She knew what had to been done.  There was only one way to sort it. 

She got up to make her way back inside, and headed in the direction of Ric’s office.

It was the coward’s way, she knew that.  But it was the only way she knew.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

She approached their shared office, heavy-hearted, but determined to get this over with.  She glanced through the window, and saw Serena sitting at her desk.  And the pain in Bernie’s chest grew sharper.  _Alright Wolfe, quick and precise, like a Band-aid._

Serena’s eyes were on her as soon as Bernie entered the room.  Those beautiful, kind eyes, which today, had been reserved…and maybe even a little sad.

They exchanged few words; neither really knew what to say.  Bernie gulped, and began.

“It looks like I may be leaving again.”

Serena’s frown was hard to miss.

“But you’ve only just gotten back.” Serena said, frankly.  _This surely wasn’t happening.  Not again._

“Ric’s looking into getting me transferred.”

And there it was. 

They both stood, regarding each other from different mindsets.  Bernie’s: sadness. Serena’s: pure confusion.

But before either could say another word, Jason appeared with a mischievous smile, locking the office door from the outside, trapping them inside.

Stunned, Serena began making apologies and offering to call security.  But without forethought, Bernie stopped her.

“No, wait,” she heard herself say.  From a place that she didn’t even know existed. 

Something was breaking in her. 

The look on Serena’s face had been too much.  Bernie realized she didn’t want to leave.  She didn’t know how they were going to fix this, but Bernie knew she had to try.  The thought of walking away and never seeing Serena again, never hearing the richness of her voice, never feeling the softness of her skin--it was just too much. 

Bernie’s hands were shaking; she was completely off her course.  She leaned back against the door, clasping her hands together to stop the trembling. 

Bernie was learning to be brave.

She found herself explaining to Serena that she hadn’t been entirely honest.  She explained the bottle of wine that Jason had found in the rubbish bin.  She tried several times to start the next sentence, but Serena’s mind seemed to be elsewhere.  Bernie almost bolted, then and there.  _She can’t even look at me._

But then Serena moved to stand beside her, and Bernie stood firm.  The words started to spill out, from a place Bernie had yet to be acquainted with.  She apologized, she explained her stance, and Serena was engaging.  They were actually having a proper conversation.

Bernie wanted to tell Serena that she loved her, but she bit that one back, at least for now.  Serena had been so hurt, so abandoned.  Bernie was desperately trying not to make the wrong move.  She had to fix this.  She had to fix _them._

The conversation continued, explanations given, cards all out on the table.  Bernie knew this was the way they should have talked before she buggered off.  She silently cursed herself for ever being so stupid.  Her heart hammered in her chest, her mouth felt impossibly dry.

They were standing so close; Bernie could smell Serena’s perfume, her shampoo…all the things that Bernie had missed so much.  She never wanted to feel that lonely again.  She told Serena this.

Neither of them will ever know the precise moment when the world tipped, and Bernie had to brace against the table when Serena launched at her, fusing their lips in a healing, heated kiss.

Bernie moaned against Serena’s mouth, as she expertly reached to close the blinds behind them in one swift movement, hiding them from the prying eyes of the ward.

Bernie pulled Serena even closer against her, reveling in the gasp that escaped the brunette.  Heat and urgency, the kiss was a much-needed salve.  It was making up for all the weeks of separation.  It was confirmation of the love they both now knew existed.  It was an apology.  It was a promise.  This moment was _all of it._

They pulled away, only when air became a necessity.  Serena wore a shy smile, their foreheads touching, chests heaving.  Bernie squeezed her eyes closed, and Serena watched a single tear course down Bernie’s cheek.  Serena brought her finger up, and gently swiped it away.

“I’m so sorry, Serena.  So sorry for running away, for…hurting you.  It’s the last thing I ever wanted,” Bernie choked out.

Serena gently shook her head, snaking her hands around Bernie’s waist, and pulling her closer.

“You’re here now, Bernie.  It’s okay.”

And it was forgiven.  That’s how it always was with them. 

Serena knew that it would always be that way with them.

They heard activity outside the office door, and put some distance between them.  Professionalism and all of that.  It was Jason.  He had found the key, apparently.  Bernie smiled softly, adoring Jason’s role in all of this.

The door was opened, and Jason seemed quite pleased with himself.  And pleased at the fact that his Auntie Serena was smiling again.

Jason announced that it was almost time to go home, and inquired if Bernie would be joining them for dinner.  The two women exchanged slightly shocked glances, and Serena shrugged the question to Bernie.

“I suppose that will be up to Bernie,” she added.  “You’re more than welcome to join us.”

Bernie felt a little weak at the prospect of dinner at Serena’s.  She swallowed nervously (excitedly).  She caught Serena’s glance, and knew the decision had already been made.

_Any excuse to be near you…_ Bernie thought.

Serena smiled sweetly, and watched Bernie’s mouth form a tiny smile.

“I…I think I’d really like that actually,” Bernie responded softly.  “But I really need to go home first.  I haven’t been home since I got back this morning.  Just to check in, you know.”

“Of course, of course,” Serena said.  “Well, it’s settled then.  Jason, we’ll drop Bernie off at her place, then we’ll head home, and Bernie can come over later on.  What’d you say, around 7?”

Bernie smiled, her stomach fluttering just a little.  “That sounds wonderful.”

Bernie felt Serena’s hand, warm and lingering on her arm.  They gathered up their bags and coats, and made their way out into the night.


	3. Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting...just been overwhelmed with life, stuff, things...
> 
> Song for the chapter: Human by Aquilo
> 
> Enjoy :)

“You know it on the inside,

So you should show it on the outside…”

 

Chapter 3

 

Bernie made her way inside her flat, shoulders and hands burdened with luggage, noting that the place looked much tidier than she remembered.  The woman she had allowed to sublet was obviously much better at the domestics.

Bernie chucked down her bags, unpacking only what was absolutely necessary to get herself dressed and ready.  She placed a hand across her fluttering stomach, chastising herself for having the nerves of a silly teenager. 

_It’s not as if you’ve never had dinner together…_

But something was….different.  A feeling of…new possibility.

Bernie breathed a deep, cleansing breath.  She started the shower, stepping in to the stream.  She washed her hair and body meticulously, ridding herself of the grime of work and travel.  She retrieved her razor, and shaved her legs.

Bernie was aware that something inside her was changing.  Perhaps her time away had given clarity to her ever-confusing collection of feelings.  Since returning to Holby, and receiving Serena’s forgiveness—she found herself anticipating…whatever came next.  Not making a plan to run, not formulating excuses and apologies, and all of the habitual tendencies that had become, well…rather tiring.  And lonely.  And just plain unacceptable.

It was time to stop self-sabotaging.  It was time to be honest.  And above all, it was time to stop feeling scared, and to open herself up to…whatever was to come.

Feeling refreshed, she stepped out of the shower, toweled off, and began to ponder what to wear.  She normally wasn’t fussy about her wardrobe--simple and practical seemed to work.  But tonight was…different.

She eventually chose a crisp, black, button-up shirt and her dark denim, and finished the outfit off with black, short-heeled boots.  And her simple, silver hoop earrings. 

She dried and styled her hair, and then chose her makeup, a simple mix of powder and eyeshadow.  A smoky shade for her lids; she applied a little more than usual, topping it off with mascara.  The result was quite striking.  She was sure Serena would notice.

Checking the time, she applied a little hint of tinted lip gloss to her lips, and studied herself in the mirror.  _Not too shabby, Wolfe._

She locked up her flat, and climbed into her car, finally making her way to Serena’s house. 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Serena, freshly showered, makeup finished, checked her reflection one more time.  She was pleased with the result.

She had chosen to wear black slacks, paired with a dark blue jumper, simple black flats, and a touch of jewelry to finish off the ensemble.  Tiny silver hoop earrings, a thin sterling chain with a delicate feather pendant.

She applied a rich burgundy shade of lipstick, and smiled at the reflection looking back at her.  Eyes bright, cheeks blushed and rosy, she looked…younger somehow.  As if the misery of the last few weeks had been completely erased. 

The doorbell interrupted her thoughts, causing her heart to flutter.  Serena laughed, glancing at the clock.  _Seven on the nose._ She took a deep, steady breath, and made her way downstairs to the door.  She paused briefly, smirking to herself.

_For God’s sake, you’re not bloody sixteen anymore…_

She greeted Bernie with a wide smile, suddenly unable to suck in a breath.  Bernie smiled in return, shyly, eyes downcast.

“Please come in,” Serena said.  “You look…beautiful.”

Bernie blushed, pursing her lips, “As do you,” stepping in to the foyer.

Serena moved closer, bringing their lips together in a quick kiss.  Bernie’s hands found their way to Serena’s waist, pulling her closer, returning the kiss.

“There will be plenty of time for kissing after dinner,” they heard Jason say from the kitchen.  “Auntie Serena, I’m hungry.  Hello, Bernie.”

Their eyes met, chuckling softly, foreheads touching.  Bernie blushed at the realization that they had been caught.

“Hi, Jason,” Bernie replied.  “Dinner sounds like a good plan right now, I am famished.”

Jason smiled.

It was roast chicken night, Bernie soon learned, as she seated herself across the table from Serena, directly to the right of Jason.  She had been forbidden to help, and watched as Serena plated and served the meal.  It honestly smelled delicious.

They chatted lightly between bites, about work and weather and quiz shows.  There was a warm glow, it seemed.  So natural and welcome and…domestic.  Bernie met Serena’s gaze from across the table, soft eyes and gentle smile.  And Bernie breathed deeply, savoring the feeling of pure contentment that swelled in her chest.

Bernie ate heartily; it was nice to have an actual, home-cooked meal.  She had barely eaten, it seemed, during her time away.  At least not anything decent.  She finished her plate, washing it down with the wine, and as she sat in sated silence, Bernie smiled to herself. 

Bernie insisted on helping clear the table, and Serena relented, knowing it was a battle she wouldn’t win.

Soon, the dished were sorted, the leftovers put away.  Bernie moved to where Serena stood at the kitchen counter, standing behind her, hands on Serena’s shoulders. 

“Dinner was lovely, thank you,” Bernie whispered, placing a soft kiss on Serena’s cheek.  Serena flushed red, smiling quietly, placing her hand over one of Bernie’s.

“You’re very welcome,” she replied in a quivering voice.  Their eyes met, Serena’s breathing increasing in frequency.  Neither one moved, enjoying the closeness, the…warmth.

“The show’s about to start, Auntie Serena,” they heard from the other room.  “You promised you would watch it with me.”

Serena let out a groan, which soon turned in to a laugh, and Bernie followed suit.  They separated, both flushed and relaxed.  Serena poured fresh wine for her and Bernie, suggesting they move to the sitting room.

They situated themselves on the sofa, Jason in his favorite chair.  The program began, a crime documentary of some sort.  Bernie actually found these types of shows fascinating, but as she felt Serena move closer to her, she couldn’t remember what day of the week it was, much less focus on the television.

Serena feigned interest in the program, for Jason’s sake.  But she was so hyper-aware of Bernie’s proximity to her.  She slipped her hand down, entwining her fingers with Bernie’s, receiving a gentle smile in return.

Bernie brushed her thumb gently across Serena’s knuckles.  Serena leaned into Bernie, resting her head against Bernie’s shoulder.  Bernie placed a soft kiss to Serena’s hairline, like it was the most natural thing in the world.  Like they had been doing this for years.  Serena sighed.

After what seemed like ages, the program came to an end.  Jason announced that he was going to bed, bid them good night, and a quiet fell across the two of them.  Bernie’s stomach flipped with the reality that they were finally alone.

For almost two hours, they sat together, talking and laughing.  Bernie told Serena all about the work she had done while in Kiev; Serena filled her in on all the things she had missed while away from AAU.  They both fell quiet, briefly.  Both still very much aware of the weight that the last few weeks had left on both of their hearts.

“Serena,” Bernie began.  And then hesitated.  She cleared her throat, determined to continue.

“I’m…I’m really, truly sorry about what I did.  To you.  To us.”  Bernie’s face carried all of the guilt.

“Bernie,” Serena said, shaking her head.

“Please,” Bernie interjected.  “I need to.”

Serena pressed her lips together, poised for Bernie’s next words.

“I need you to know, Serena.  How…horrible I feel about what I did.  What an idiot I was.”

Serena took Bernie’s hands in her own.  “Bernie,” she began.  “You’re here now.  It’s all over.  I…I just want to forget about it all.  It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Serena’s eyes were so kind, so expressive, and somehow Bernie believed her. 

Serena smiled, warm and kind, as she looked into Bernie’s eyes.  The same honest smile that Bernie saw before they kissed for the first time on that cold theatre floor.  And Bernie marveled, eyes shining with unshed tears, and wondered what in the world she had done to deserve this.

“I promise you,” Bernie whispered, a single tear straying, “that I will never run away like that again.  No matter what,” the last word squeaking out, her throat clamped shut with emotion.

“Oh, Bernie,” Serena sighed, gathering Bernie closer, arms around her neck, nuzzling into the hollow of Bernie’s shoulder.  “It’s all over now, over and done.”

Bernie took a deep breath, regaining her composure. 

“You’re quite amazing, Serena, do you know that?” pulling back to look at her.

Serena laughed softly.  They sat together in pleasant, sated silence; the wine providing a warm, hazy comfort between them.

They had finished off the bottle of wine, and started another, too completely wrapped up in each other’s company to notice the late hour.  Bernie glanced at the clock on the wall.  Half past ten.

She chewed her lip, not wanting to consider what came next.  She stretched her legs out, sighing heavily.

“Well, I suppose I need to be heading home.  It’s rather late,” she finally managed to say.

Serena felt the disappointment like a knife to the chest.  And before she could stop them, the words were out.

“Please…I want you to stay.”

Bernie blinked, and met Serena’s eyes with a hint of surprise in her own.

“I mean, you’ve had too much wine to think about trying to drive yourself home,” Serena offered.

Bernie’s mouth opened to speak, but couldn’t find the right words.  Lips pressed together, eyes still searching Serena’s face.

“Bernie,” Serena whispered, placing her hand on Bernie’s forearm.  “I…we…we’ve spent enough time apart.  I want you to stay.  Please.”

And Bernie smiled, and then frowned slightly, lost in thought.  Serena watched the uncertainty play across her face.

“Um…well,” Bernie stammered.  A nervous laugh.

“If you’re…sure,” Bernie finally managed.  “Are you sure?”

And Serena smiled, nodding.  A simple response.

New territory.  Bernie leaned back against the sofa, and Serena followed suit.  Serena shuffled closer, their shoulders pressed together.  The silence hung heavy between them, something charged and shifting. 

Bernie felt Serena shiver, and moved to retrieve the throw blanket from the back of the sofa.  She settled it across Serena’s legs, pulling it up to her waist.  As Bernie repositioned herself, somehow in her movements, the back of her hand brushed across Serena’s breast.  An unexpected moment of contact, and Serena moaned softly.

Bernie gulped, eyes wide and searching.  She watched as Serena moved even closer, their faces mere inches apart.  Serena’s breathing was fast and shallow, and Bernie bit her own lip, feeling her willpower slipping away ever-so-slowly.

Bernie watched as Serena held her gaze, eyes then moving to settle on her lips.  Serena’s lips were parted, and Bernie claimed the opportunity.  She reached her hand up to Serena’s jawline, and let her thumb swipe gently over Serena’s bottom lip.

Serena’s eyes fluttered closed, and then just one word.

“Bernie…” 

Bernie closed the gap between them, her lips sealing hard against Serena’s.  Serena returned the kiss with an urgency that took them both by surprise. 

Bernie let her set the pace, and gasped as Serena’s tongue slipped between her lips.

Bernie deepened the kiss, sliding her tongue against Serena’s, reveling in the moan she felt against her own lips.  A kiss far more intimate than any they had shared before.

Serena’s hands were tangled in Bernie’s hair, their bodies now pressed together.  Bernie leaned into Serena, pushing her gently down onto the sofa, perching over her, breaking the kiss.

Serena’s heart was hammering, her breathing erratic.  She traced her index finger down the length of Bernie’s slender neck, trailing down to her chest, causing a sharp intake of breath from Bernie.

“Serena,” Bernie whispered, “are…are you sure this is okay?”

Serena giggled, smiling seductively, toying with the top button of Bernie’s shirt.

“Yes.  Quite.”

Bernie smiled, humming a soft, anxious sound.  “It’s just….I…well…I don’t want…I wouldn’t want things to…”

“Bernie?” Serena said, slicing into Bernie’s thoughts.

“Hmm?” was all Bernie managed.

“Shut up.”

Serena pushed against a stunned Bernie, settling them back upright.  She placed a quick kiss on Bernie’s lips, and got up off the sofa.

Bernie was dumbstruck as Serena took her hand, pulling her up off the sofa, and leading her in the direction of the stairs.


	4. It All Comes Down To This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well...so this is happening. :)
> 
> Thanks to everyone that is following this story, it has been most fun to write so far. This chapter is considerably longer, because, erm...well, things happen. :D
> 
> Pardon my mistakes, I proofed as well as I could, and I banged this out (giggle) quite quickly. Hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think :)
> 
> Song for this chapter is It All Comes Down To This by Aquilo

“And it all comes down to you,

And it all comes down to this…”

 

Chapter 4

 

Bernie gulped audibly, as she felt herself being all-but-dragged up the stairs.  Thoughts racing a hundred miles a minute, heart hammering.

They reached Serena’s room in record time.  Or maybe time was just moving faster than usual.  Bernie’s head swirled with the swiftness of it all.

Serena ushered them inside, quietly closing and locking the door.  She stood with her back to it, for a few minutes, trying to regain control of her racing heart.

Bernie stood frozen in place, twisting her fingers nervously.  _This is moving so fast…_

Bernie wasn’t one to be overcome with nerves in the bedroom.  But this was…different.  This was Serena.  And this was real.

Serena took the few tentative steps forward, narrowing the gap between them.  Stepping into Bernie’s space, placing a hand to Bernie’s cheek.  Bernie’s eyes fluttered closed at the contact.

Serena moved her hand to grasp the back of Bernie’s neck, tugging her closer, lips colliding.  Bernie moaned into the kiss.  She felt herself being walked backwards--Serena, with one hand at Bernie’s neck, the other at her waist.

Bernie’s back made contact with the wall behind her with a soft thud, Serena pressing fully in to her.  Bernie gasped sharply at the completeness of the sensation.

Serena smiled against her mouth, very much enjoying the effect she was having on Bernie.  She traced her tongue along Bernie’s bottom lip, a little gasp of breath, an appreciative hum sparking between them.

Serena’s hands slid down Bernie’s sides, as she captured her lips in another searing kiss.  Gliding her hands back up, Serena unbuttoned the top button of Bernie’s shirt. 

“I’ve always liked this shirt on you,” Serena purred, her voice low and smooth as glass.  “At the current moment, however, it is very much in my way.”

Bernie whimpered softly, completely overcome with the seduction of the woman standing before her.  She hadn’t imagined Serena being anything but this—assertive, _impossibly sexy_ , confident—but Bernie knew that tomorrow would come.  And she didn’t want there to be any regrets.

“Serena,” she whispered, placing her hands over Serena’s.

Serena’s eyebrows arched upward, her fingers stilled at Bernie’s collarbone.

“I…I just don’t…want you to regret this…in the morning.” Bernie said, as calmly as she could manage.

Serena cocked her head to the side, studying the face of the woman in front of her, smiling broadly.  “Bernie,” she whispered, moving her lips to graze against the soft skin of Bernie’s neck, kissing delicately along her jawline.  “I have been playing this out in my mind for weeks now,” she breathed against Bernie’s skin.  “I promise,” she whispered, her lips now ghosting the shell of Bernie’s ear, “I know what I want.”

Bernie shivered, a soft sound fleeing her parted lips.  The tide had turned once again.  All barriers were broken down.  And at that moment (and many subsequent moments beyond tonight), she knew that she would give Serena _whatever she wanted._

Bernie’s hands moved to her own shirt, where she began to work on the buttons—until she felt Serena’s hands on hers.

“Please,” Serena whispered, kissing Bernie lightly “let me do it.”

Bernie swallowed hard, closing her eyes, smiling.  So _this_ was happening…

Bernie’s hands moved to Serena’s waist, and the brunette smiling triumphantly.

Serena began the tortuously slow process of Bernie’s undoing.  As each button released, and more skin was revealed, Bernie marveled at Serena’s utter delight.  She watched hundreds of emotions play across Serena’s face.

Serena slid her hands underneath the black fabric, gasping, tracing Bernie’s chest and stomach.

“You’re so…so beautiful, Bernie.”

Bernie felt her face flush, and smiled tenderly.  She pulled Serena closer, combining their lips for a slow, languorous kiss, dipping her tongue into Serena’s mouth, tasting her, claiming her.

Feeling a bit of boldness, Bernie spun them around, pressing Serena into the wall behind them, laughing softly at Serena’s gasp.  They kissed long and deep, chests pressed together, breathing erratic and charged.  Bernie pulled back, grasping the hem of Serena’s jumper, and pulled it over her head, tossing it to the floor beside her own discarded shirt. 

Serena giggled, Bernie pursed her lips, cocking her head sideways.

They both made quick work of their trousers, the pile of clothes in the floor growing larger with every passing second.  They stood, clad only in underwear, Serena’s back still pressed into the wall.

Bernie kissed her feverishly, both were gasping into the kiss.  The first true taste of skin on skin was a dizzying sensation.  So much better than Bernie had imagined.

“If you only knew,” Bernie breathed against Serena’s ear, “how many times I’ve imagined this.”

“Oh, I think I can estimate…ah…” Serena breathed, caught off guard as she felt Bernie’s thigh parting her own legs, pressing against her center. 

Serena groaned at this new sensation, snaring Bernie’s lips in another blistering kiss.  Tongues dancing together, Bernie’s thigh providing sweet pressure between her legs.  It was becoming a challenge to even stand anymore.

“Oh, Bernie,” Serena rasped, “I don’t know if my legs will continue to support me if you keep doing that.”

Bernie laughed, “Doing what, _exactly,”_ she said, thrusting harder on the last word.

Serena whimpered, and Bernie found mercy on her, leading her to the bed. 

Lying back gently, Serena smiled as Bernie moved to hover over her.  Pressing their bodies together, lips mere millimeters from touching.  Legs tangled, breath mingling, they both lay still, enjoying the thrill before the jump. 

Bernie leant down, kissing Serena softly at first, deepening the kiss when she felt Serena’s tongue slip between her lips once again.  Their moans were soft and small, tiny sounds floating in the charged air between them.  Bernie moved her lips to Serena’s neck, her shoulders, her delicate collarbone.  Serena shivered beneath her, and Bernie smiled.

She watched Serena, and took pleasure in her discovery.  This was new for Serena, and Bernie wanted to delight in every moment.

Bernie reached her hands underneath Serena, finding the clasp to her bra.  She kissed Serena again, dragging her eyes up to meet Serena’s

“May I?” Bernie whispered.

Serena chuckled softly, but nodded emphatically.

“Yes, Bernie…you most certainly may.”

Bernie released the clasp in less than a second, causing Serena to giggle slightly.

“Such precision, Major.”

Bernie blushed and smiled, pulling the straps down Serena’s arms and flinging the garment to the floor.

But the giggles soon faded away, as Bernie studied what lay before her.  She struggled to form words.

“Serena,” she breathed, running her fingers along Serena’s collarbone, “you’re…my god, you’re so perfectly beautiful…”

It was Serena’s turn to blush, her skin turning an adorable shade of pink.  “Well, I’m not sure about all of that, but…I suppose, if you’re pleased…”

“Oh, I am,” Bernie responded, placing a soft kiss on Serena’s lips.  “Rest assured.”

Bernie sat up, straddling Serena, and smiled at the tiny gasp that escaped the brunette.  Bernie traced her fingers down Serena’s chest, over her stomach, down her sides--wanting to map everything to memory.  Such soft skin and beautiful curves, Bernie was in awe of this woman.

Bernie reached behind her back, unclasping her own bra, unceremoniously tossing it aside. 

“Oh, Bernie,” Serena barely managed to whisper.  “You’re more beautiful than I imagined…”

Bernie smiled, a rapid heat twisting in her belly as she thought of all the things Serena had imagined.  She settled herself to lie atop Serena again, and they both moaned at the contact.  Sensitive nipples brushing against soft skin, their stomachs pressed together, and Bernie clenched her thighs together to quell the growing ache between them.

Their kisses were hot, furious almost, each giving as good as they got.  Breathless sighs, quiet moans, a sheen of sweat building on bare skin.  Bernie kissed along Serena’s jawline, her neck, between her breasts, moving even lower to her sides and stomach, causing Serena to twitch a little, giggling softly.

Bernie moved her mouth back up to the swell of Serena’s breast, teasing, trailing wet kisses onto the soft flesh she found there.  Bernie studied Serena’s face, watching her expressions change, her eyelids half-closing.  Bernie flicked out her tongue, swiping against Serena’s hard nipple, and Serena gasped, arching into Bernie.

Bernie smiled, quite pleased at the response.  She closed her lips around the taut flesh, tongue working in circles, as Serena wriggled and moaned beneath her.  Bernie was sure to pay equal attention to the other breast, leaving Serena breathless and unbearably aroused.

Bernie was surprised when Serena sat up, pulling their bodies closer, her hands grabbing at Bernie’s hips.  Serena kissed Bernie hard and fast, and without warning, flipped Bernie onto the mattress, leaving her wide-eyed and gasping.

They both laughed, Serena moving to straddle Bernie’s hips.

“Well,” Serena began, her voice low and sensual, “you didn’t think I was going to let you have all the fun, now did you?”

Bernie growled, biting down on her own lip.  _Did you expect anything but this, Wolfe?_

Serena began to run her hands all over Bernie’s naked flesh.  Arms, chest, stomach, the long expanse of her neck.  She grasped Bernie’s breasts firmly in her hands, a low groan coming from the blonde beneath.

“Bernie, you feel so good,” Serena gasped.  “So many nights I wondered what it would be like to touch you, like this…”

A sound escaped Bernie, almost a whine.  The pressure between her thighs was becoming overwhelming.

Serena ran her hands back down Bernie’s stomach, stopping at the band of her underwear.  Serena pursed her lips, staring into Bernie’s eyes, and ran her fingertips underneath the band, causing Bernie to shudder beneath her.

Serena cocked an eyebrow, licking her lips, smiling seductively.  “I believe we’ve forgotten something, Major.”

Serena moved off of Bernie, slipped her fingers under the silky material, and dragged them down Bernie’s thighs.  Bernie acquiesced, helping Serena remove and discard of the unneeded garment.  Bernie’s jaw went slightly slack when she watched Serena do the same with her own underwear.

No pretense, nothing standing between them but the warm, electric air.  Serena resumed her position atop Bernie, Bernie smiling up at her in awe.

“You’re quite possibly the most amazing woman I’ve ever known,” Bernie whispered to her.

Serena leant down, placing her lips so close to Bernie’s ear and breathed, “And the night has only just begun…”

Bernie gasped, laughing low and deep.  Serena’s enthusiasm was quite a treat.

Bernie’s laugh faded into a sharp breath as she felt Serena’s fingers teasing between her thighs.  The gentlest of touches at first, cautious, testing, a tender exploration.  Serena’s fingers worked deftly, finding their way into the wetness.  Her eyes went wide at the feeling, gasps falling away from both of them at the sensation.

“Bernie,” Serena whispered, breathy and soft, “you’re so….so wet for me…”  Serena laughed tenderly at the growl that escaped the blonde.

Bernie’s vision felt blurry, then immediately clear again as she focused on what Serena was doing to her.  She felt two fingers sliding gently inside her, and the room went white hot. 

Their sighs mingled together, igniting the air, igniting their bare skin.  Serena moved her fingers in and out, again and again, tortuously slow, thrusting deeper with each entry.  Bernie let out a strangled sob, as she felt the tension building within her, a sweet, burning ache.

Bernie moved her hand between them, tickling Serena’s soft thigh, tracing slowly upwards until she found the gathering wetness she sought.  Serena’s breath hitched as she felt Bernie’s slender, strong fingers parting and delving inside, curling deliciously.  Serena’s groan was loud and visceral, an astounding response to this intimate touch.

Their hands worked in tandem, their hips rocked together as they found their delicious rhythm.  Bernie became lost in Serena’s reactions, the tilting back of her head, the fluttering of her eyelids, her softly parted lips. 

Serena studied the woman that lay beneath her, completely captivated by her.  Her absolute beauty, her softness, the darkness of desire in her eyes, and Serena felt herself becoming overwhelmed.  The tight coil slowly began to unwind.

“Bernie,” she panted, “oh God…I…I’m going to…”

“As am I, darling,” Bernie groaned out.

And they tipped together, Serena covering her mouth to stifle the cry that emitted forth; Bernie, biting hard on her own lip.  Pulsing, swimming, fiery, soft release. 

Their hands continued, curling, thrusting, discovering everything new and familiar.  Together. 

They began to float back down, breaths ragged, withdrawing wet fingers.  Serena collapsed forward onto Bernie, Bernie catching her softly, pulling her close.

They lay together, the air still buzzing and hot, trying to regain their composure.  Bernie tipped Serena’s face upwards, placing soft kisses on her lips, her jaw, whispering affections against her skin.

“So beautiful…”

“Wonderful…”

“My sweet Serena…”

And Serena was sure that she had never felt more safe, more adored, more…daresay, loved?

They smiled tenderly at one another, breathing returning to normal, Serena’s hands tangled in Bernie’s damp blonde hair.

“Bernie,” she whispered, lips pursing as they only did when Serena was in search of something.  When she wanted something.

Serena moved her mouth down to Bernie’s neck, across her shoulders, nipping softly, tongue tracing the swells and grooves and all the soft flesh in between.

Lower still, she kissed Bernie’s stomach, hot, open-mouthed assaults against soft skin and firm muscle.  Circled her tongue around Bernie’s navel, causing the blonde to gasp and giggle.

“Bernie,” she began again, a mischief dancing in her eyes, “I want….I want to….if I may…?”

Bernie felt Serena’s soft hands begin to stroke the inside of her thighs, as she moved her body down the bed, settling at Bernie’s apex.  And then Bernie knew.

Eyes rolling back, a breathy, unsteady laugh, “Serena…are you…I mean…are you sure…it…might be…”

“Too much?” Serena quipped back, nipping at Bernie’s hip bone.  “That should quite be for me to decide, shouldn’t it now?”

Bernie threw back her head with a soft growl.  She met Serena’s eyes once again.

_Whatever she wants…._


	5. Certain Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are folks! This story has been a joy to write, and I hope you've all enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed creating it. I welcome your comments, and hopefully I'll have more stories to post very soon!
> 
> This chapter, and the inspiration for the title of the story, were inspired by the song Certain Things by James Arthur. I highly recommend giving it a listen, as it is a very happy Berena song. And that's where I want to live right now--happy BerenaTown. :D

“Something about you,

It’s like an addiction,

Hit me with your best shot, honey…”

 

Chapter 5

 

Serena placed soft kisses along the insides of Bernie’s thighs, trying to calm the frenzy of nerves that had suddenly overtaken her.  She tried like hell not to let it show.  She talked a big talk--but when it came down to brass tacks--Serena knew she had no idea what the hell she was doing.

She wanted to please Bernie, more than anything in the world.  Wanted to show her all the adoration and love and _pure pleasure_ that she deserved.

Tentatively, she glanced up at Bernie, perched up on her elbows, watching Serena’s every move.  _I see, she likes to watch,_ Serena smiled.  She suddenly felt bold again.

“Tell me what you like, Bernie,” her voice scarcely more than a whisper.  “I want to do this right for you…”

Bernie softened, smiling gently, genuinely touched by the sentiment.

“Serena,” she began, leaning forward to stroke Serena’s cheek, “I like _you._ I like everything you do, and who you are, and I like everything you make me feel.  You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

Serena blushed, “I know, but,” Serena placed her lips on Bernie’s palm, “I want to.  I want to…feel you.  To taste you.”

Bernie smiled, a wave of arousal washing over her.  “Okay…”

Serena gave little warning, placing a soft kiss to Bernie’s wetness before swiping her tongue delicately through. 

“Oh! God…” was Bernie’s reply, arching her back at the contact.

Serena was absolutely awestruck.  Bernie’s scent, her taste, the feel of the wetness against her tongue…it was…intoxicating.  It felt as natural as anything Serena had ever experienced.

She experimented further, moaning against Bernie when her tongue moved to Bernie’s clit, tracing tight circles, smiling to herself at Bernie’s obviously pleasant reaction.

“Oh, god…Serena…yes, that’s…that’s it, darling.” Bernie was panting the words out, becoming delirious with want with every stroke of Serena’s tongue against her.

“Bernie,” Serena moaned, enjoying _every second_ of this exploration.  Her mouth was moving faster, tongue delving deeper, as Bernie’s hips began to match her rhythm.  “You taste so good…”

Serena moved her hand to join the effort, and after a few moments of figuring out exactly what she wanted to do, slid two fingers inside Bernie, as her tongue continued to circle Bernie’s clit.

Serena delighted in the effect this was having on Bernie, The growls, the pants, the writhing of her body.  But Serena learned something about Bernie that night.  Something that she couldn’t have anticipated.

Bernie became quite vocal during this stage, apparently, much to Serena’s sheer and utter amusement.

“Oh my god, Serena, that’s…that’s perfect,” Bernie’s words coming out in sharp gasps. “Are you…are you sure…you’ve never…oh, god….never done…this before?” she managed between pants.

Serena giggled against her, tongue still working a steady rhythm. 

“Because….you’re….you’re so fucking fantastic at this….oh, god Serena…please don’t stop.  Don’t ever stop…”

Bernie had curled one hand around the back of Serena’s neck, coaxing her, pulling slightly at her hair, sending a shiver down Serena’s body that twisted deep within her.

“That’s it, darling, oh fuck….I’m, you’re going to….make me…”

Bernie clamped her free hand over her own mouth to suppress the scream that came out.  Waves of white, swirls of color and sound, she soared through her climax, her hand falling away from her mouth, whispering Serena’s name over and over, a soft collection of sounds.

Serena continued her movements, feeling the aftershocks that still rippled from deep within Bernie.  She savored her, stroked her until Bernie could take no more.

Bernie was no longer perched on her elbows, but collapsed into a lifeless combination of limbs and skin.  Her breathing was still heavy, her eyes closed, head still swimming with the bliss of what had just occurred.

With her eyes still closed, Bernie began to laugh--a low, deep, sensuous sound.  She reached for Serena, pulling her closer.  Serena wiped her chin with the back of her hand, and slowly slid back up, lying atop Bernie, softly nuzzling at her neck.  The laughter was contagious, and Serena found herself giggling softly against Bernie’s skin.

“My darling Serena,” Bernie managed between chuckles.  “That was….well, it was bloody brilliant!”

Serena nipped at her earlobe, still giggling a bit, “Not so bad for a first try, hmm?”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Bernie began, wrapping her arms around Serena. “It was…absolute perfection.  Amazing.  You are amazing.”

Serena smiled at this, feeling content.  Content with her apparent skill, and surprised by her own realization that she had enjoyed it _so damn much._

She moved to lie beside Bernie, pulling the sheet and comforter over them both.  She placed a kiss on Bernie’s cheek, causing the blonde to mumble something soft and incoherent. 

Knowing Bernie was on her way to sleep, Serena turned off the lamp on the bedside table, and snuggled into Bernie’s side.  She rested her head in the hollow of Bernie’s shoulder, feeling the rise and fall of her chest, hearing Bernie’s soft, sleepy murmurs.  And as Serena could feel the drowsiness creeping over her, she smiled at the realization that there had been no other time in her life when she had felt this happy.  Or safe.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

“And you keep coming back,

Coming back again,

Keep running ‘round, running ‘round

Running ‘round my head…”

 

Bernie sat on the bench in the garden, Serena’s silky robe wrapped around her slim frame, virtually useless against the cool night air that nipped its way through.  She drew on her fag, blowing out the smoke with a contented sigh.  The moonlight barely illuminated the night air around her, dancing in and out from behind the haze of clouds. 

She had managed to sleep for about two hours, before silently slipping away from Serena and out to the garden.  Sleep came in fits and starts for her lately--well, for years actually.  She struggled to remember the last time she had actually slept through the night.  But this night, the sleep she did get was sound, restful, and healing.  She awoke to the feeling of Serena snuggled close to her side, smiled as she watched Serena’s sleeping face, bathed in soft moonlight filtering in through the window. 

And the feeling it gave her, much to Bernie’s own surprise, was one of complete comfort and ease.  She watched Serena sleep, watching the soft movement of her breathing, and realized that coming back to Holby was the best decision she’d made in a long time.

She pushed away thoughts of her time in Kiev.  It seemed so far in the past, even though she had only been back a day.  How things can change in just twenty-four hours.

Bernie finished her fag, crushed it out, and placed it on the bench beside her.  She hugged her arms to her middle, trying to stave off the chill.  She thought about the events of just a few hours ago, how wonderful their night had been.  How comfortable and familiar they were together.  Not at all awkward or strange, but simply…wonderful.  And for this she was grateful.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

“And you’re like a shoulder to turn to,

Cause certain things burn just

When we’re hanging on for dear life…”

 

Serena awoke with a start, eyes still hazy with sleep.  But aware that the bed was cold.  And that Bernie wasn’t there.  She sat up, listening to hear any noise coming from the en suite.  Or from downstairs.  From anywhere.  She felt a slow, unsteady feeling creep over her.

_Had she…gone?_

Serena moved from the bed to retrieve her robe, which was missing from its hook.  She smiled a little, going to the closet to retrieve another, less-used fleece robe.  She made her way downstairs, and to the front room.  Looking through the window, she huffed out a sigh of relief upon seeing Bernie’s car still in its spot.

She went into the dining room, and looked out the window overlooking the garden.  Her heart leapt when she saw a slender little figure sitting out in the moonlight.  She opened the door, and made her way outside as quietly as possible.  Bernie didn’t even register that she was coming near.

“You gave me a bit of a scare,” Serena said softly, but Bernie still jumped out of her own skin.

“Christ Almighty, you scared me!” Bernie exclaimed, but laughed softly after her heart calmed a bit.

Serena went to sit beside her, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snuck up on you.  But I woke up and you weren’t there, and I…well…”

And the realization hit Bernie like a bus.  She cocked her head to the side, wrapping her arms around Serena. “Darling, I’m so sorry.  I…I wasn’t thinking.”  She tipped Serena’s chin up and looked into her eyes.  “Don’t you worry for a second.  Not anymore.  I meant what I said when I told you that I’ve changed.  And I was just sitting out here thinking about…about how that coming back was the best thing I’ve done in a very long time.”

She placed a quick kiss on Serena’s lips and continued, “I can assure you, Serena Campbell, that I’m not going anywhere.”  She canted her hand, eyes closed, “I mean, after that performance earlier…well…”

This earned a whack from Serena, who was slowly dissolving into giggles.  “Cheeky,” she said, laughing.

“Mmm,” Bernie hummed, gathering Serena close once again.  “Let’s go back inside, shall we?  It’s getting rather cold out here.”

Serena agreed, and they headed back inside, up the stairs, and back to Serena’s bed.

The robes were abandoned to the floor, both longing for the feeling of skin on skin once more.  Serena laid back, Bernie hovering above her, kissing her deeply.

“I quite like crawling naked in to your bed,” Bernie said softly between kisses.

Serena chuckled, “I could think of worse ways to spend my nights.”

Bernie’s hands began to roam the expanses of bare flesh.  Stroking, tickling, tracing paths and patterns against Serena’s soft skin. 

Serena’s gasps were soft, filling the quiet air around them, and Bernie allowed her mouth to mimic the trails her hands were taking.  Soft, open-mouthed kisses against the warmth of Serena’s breasts, her stomach, hips, thighs.  She moved her body between Serena’s thighs, and Serena opened them, allowing Bernie to press against her.

Serena groaned at the sensation, as Bernie slid their bodies together, moving back up to kiss Serena’s neck.  “If I recall,” Bernie began, whispering against Serena’s skin, kissing softly between words, “there were some things that I did not get to do earlier.  Because a certain someone drained away my strength and forced me into a sleep coma…”

Serena gasped and giggled, “I make no apologies,” she said, grasping Bernie’s backside firmly.

Bernie moved her lips to Serena’s ear, nibbling gently, sucking at her earlobe.  “I want to taste you, Serena,” she growled.  “Will you let me do that?”

“Yes, Bernie,” Serena moaned.  “Please.”

Bernie began the descent back down Serena’s glorious body, licking, kissing, nibbling all along the way, causing Serena to writhe beneath her.  She settled herself between Serena’s thighs, kissing, teasing, before finally planting her mouth onto Serena’s wetness.

Serena cried out, a relief from the unbearable throbbing ache.  She gripped the sheets beneath her as she felt Bernie’s tongue swipe the entire length of her sex.  Serena might have imagined this a thousand times, but the imagination could hold no candle to the feeling of Bernie’s mouth upon her.

“Oh, god…Serena…you’re so…so wet,” Bernie breathed against her most delicate places.

Serena’s breath was uneven, coming in pants and huffs now.  Eliciting noises that weren’t quite words, she felt delirious with pleasure.

Bernie moved her tongue against Serena’s clit, gently at first, but increasing in tempo and pressure, causing Serena’s hips to cant and thrust, words of affirmation flowing from her lips like wine.  Bernie growled at the effect that all of this was having on her own body.  Serena’s voice, choked with desire, low and smooth, the feeling of her wetness sliding against Bernie’s tongue, the warm, soft skin underneath Bernie’s fingertips.

Bernie moved her hand to slide two fingers into Serena, taking her mouth away for a moment.

“Is this okay, darling?” she asked Serena quietly.

“OH, Bernie, yes…more….more please,” Serena panted out.

Bernie added a third finger, moving slowly, allowing Serena’s body time to adjust.

“Yes,” Serena hisses out, “please, your mouth please…I’m going to….oh, Bernie…”

Bernie concentrated her tongue on Serena’s clit, thrusting her fingers in tandem, sending Serena over the edge.  Bernie watched as she came, head thrown back, body arched, moaning loudly, legs shaking as she rode out her pleasure.  Bernie continued to stroke and coax Serena through her orgasm.

After quite some time, Serena’s body stilled, her breathing still harsh and uneven.  Bernie moved her soaked hand from between Serena’s thighs, and wiped at her own chin with the other.  She crawled back up Serena’s spent form, kissing softly along the way, until she was lying atop the brunette.

Serena had yet to speak a coherent word, and Bernie kissed her neck, her cheeks, her eyelids, allowing Serena time to come back to earth.

Bernie felt the tears against Serena’s cheek, and pulled back sharply. “Serena, are you…what’s the matter, darling? Did I hurt you?”

Serena shook her head adamantly, “No, Bernie,” she sniffed, “not at all.  I just…I never…,” she managed with a quiet sob.  “I never knew it could be like this.  I mean…I imagined what we would be like together, but…I…had no idea that I would…feel like this.”

Bernie smiled softly, kissing her lips.  Bernie moved off of Serena, rolling them both onto their sides, gathering her close.  Bernie swiped away the remnants of tears from Serena’s face, and kissed her once again.

“Neither did I, Serena.  I…” Bernie stopped the words from coming out.  _Maybe not tonight._

“I…I’m so glad that I came back to you,” Bernie recovered.  “And I promise that I’ll be here.  Always.”

Serena smiled, kissing Bernie gently, snuggling in to the hollow of her shoulder. They lay silently for several moments, just enjoying the closeness.  Bernie felt her eyelids becoming heavy, Serena breathed a sleepy sigh.  Bernie reached to pull the covers and settle them around their joined bodies.

She listened as Serena’s breathing changed, held her close as she fell into a place of sleep.  Bernie kissed the top of her head, breathing in the scent of her hair.  And thought about how lucky she really was to be here.

It could have turned out so much differently.  But Serena had forgiven her; it was in the past now.  And this was one of many, certain things that Bernie would always be grateful for.

She was thankful for the events that had brought her to Holby in the first place.  As painful and scary as it had all been—Bernie knew that it had served a purpose.  It put her on a path to find the woman that she would love more than anything in the world.

She was grateful that they were best friends before they were lovers.  A bond, unbreakable and true.  Serena was her ‘person.’  Her first port of call.  And Bernie was hers. 

All the late night chats, the hours in theatre together, the times when there seemed to be no other person on the planet. 

The times when they knew what the other was thinking without having to say a word.  Their own secret language, an understanding that ran deeper than any obstacle or disagreement that could come their way.

Bernie had found her home, she knew that now.  All the years of searching and grasping for a place to call her own.  Serena was changing her, showing her that, she really was brave after all.

Bernie would always be grateful for this.

 

“There’s certain things that I adore,

And there’s certain things that I ignore,

But I’m certain that I’m yours…”


End file.
